omg, i am really stuck with imbeciles at home. idiots who continue playing with their toys and making a big mess at home. they cannot stop laughing for i-have-no-idea-what-godforsaken-reason. and they become sweaty and wallow on the bed. it really gets on my nerves you know. it is really pissing me off, big time.

rebecca, help me...
no other fool would understand what i mean.

GUESS WHAT? no i haven't caught the mozzie in my room. But the news is, i can tie my hair again! okay not that i was really looking forward to it, i was wanna show it to my mum as evidence that my hair is really growing (and i am not secretly trimming it) so that i can sneak away to trim my hair (for real).

and my mum thinks i am a lesbian because i have no interest in dressing up or make-up or whatever. like whud? there's more to life that painting your face and putting pieces of fabric on your body.

having long hair is like an additional chore for me, damn it. i have to wake up early to hassle over it, and negotiate the fly-aways into clips. on the other hand, having short hair is really awesome, i can get out of the house without combing my hair. awesomexzxz or what. long hair is so lame. i know my mum won't be reading this, or she will reaffirm her stand that i am a lesbian. like @.@

anyway, i am really annoyed with myself for having this awful injury that squirts pus from my legs. do you know, on wednesday, i sat on my chair for 45 minutes and when i finally got out from the chair, there was like 3 drops of yellowish-orange/brownish liquid on the floor, the size of 50 cents each. i suspect thats my pus. yuck.

anyway, the reason why i am annoyed is that my parents are out of town and i am doing everything around the house like wth. and i am the injured one. all i know is that some dumb idiot who does not help out is shouting around the house now for no good reason, annoys me to the max.

one more paper to go, i am slacking. i really need to pull myself together.

Let me tell you something weird about me, i hate mosquitoes. i really do. and when i get stung, i get really angry and frustrated because i feel so damn cheated. i mean, hey its my blood you damn 6-leg freak is sucking. and you are doing that without my permission. pisses me off totally. feel so cheated. this is why i am all itchy and paranoid now, i just saw this mosquito flying across my laptop screen in the most relaxed manner. it has happened many times in my life. I am scratching all over now, damn.

being stung in the comforts of home and elsewhere is different. like for instance, in ubin. you cannot help it in ubin, that's their natural habitat. they live in the wild, to me at least. and there are so many of them, you cannot possibly annihilate the whole mozzie population in ubin. you just cannot help it, and if you do not get bites in ubin, i wonder what you are. maybe you have some anti-mosquito gene squirted into your bloodstream or something. being stung in ubin makes you part of a community (the majority who are under the mercy of mosquitoes), it makes you look like you are there to rough it out, to pose a challenge to the mother nature and we as homo sapiens are not going to lose in the face of trees and the lesser species. we are the champions. but here in my room, its different. it is out to get me (my blood at least). like omg, right now, nothing satisfies this sadistic urge (in my defense, i would classify it as self-protection) to see the dead mosquito on my palm, spattered in blood. my blood, damn it.

ARGGGGH!

oh, its another december round the corner, and cibtc is starting soon. i am damn excited, i have no idea why. LOL its like kranji finally has a new generation of CIs, i think it is arguably equivalent to some baby being conceived. :D:D:D joyous occasion!

okay i am still all itchy and fidgety, i cannot read my text properly. shall i go to sleep?

stupid mozzie.

and why did i write so much about my opinions on mosquitoes, i wonder.

HAHAHA, oh this suddenly popped in my head: justin timberlake sings cry me a river. LOL you get it?

I played "bluff" with my siblings and I said "4 jokers" when I meant to say "4 jacks". As a result, all my siblings were stunned and then i burst out laughing hysterically.

I remember when I had first started playing this game: campcraft chalet 2006. And I'd want to go back there and play Bluff for the whole night. Gahhhhhh, Literature is frying my brain!


oh consultation was at 7am today and i woke up at 7.02am. damn epic. I made it to woodlands in about 25 mins, which holds my all-time record now. on our walk to causeway point, dickson said: "how cool is it if 'I've got a feeling' from black eye peas played blasted through the PA system after we are done with our last paper?"

I'd say that was damn awesome.

This is one moment I am proud to be a Kranjian. Okay, apart from the discipline (from what i judge from the NPCC cadets in my unit) due to the lax in standards. To think we used to have grooming checks everyday from the Discipline dept, push up position in the parade square right after recess cos some idiots were late, and taking turns to run on the field while the rest of the cohort are in their agonising push-up position in the late-morning sun. Gone were those days.

Seriously, this video below is a KSS production, so i heard. damn imba. LOVE IT! :)

the 10 things i wanna do most now is: (in no order of merit)

1. STEAMBOATTTTTT! DAMN IT
2. GET MY TANNNNNN BACK! sentosa sentosa!
3. read books!
4. exercise. can't believe i will say this but yes, A levels make you fat
5. sleep all day
6. re-watch HIMYM seasons 1 to 4, plus 5
7. work (work, then have money, then can havoc)
8. get an ipod nano-5th generation!
9. burn my school uniform
10. hang out with friends! :D

the 5 things i will never (ever in my whole life) do:

1. take anything related to history,
2. take anything related to math
3. take anything related to econs (good grief)
4. go somewhere with lousy uniform. like khaki, yucks
5. visit the track at ijc

COME ON! ITS 2 SUBJECTS, 3 WEEKS AND 4 MORE PAPERS TO GO!

I am someone who vaguely believe in karma. Like the song goes, "what goes around, comes around, what goes up must come down~~" The moral of the story is, it doesn't pay to be mean to someone. Take for instance yesterday, someone was walking in front of me when I gossiped about her. And i slipped and fell immediately on the stairs. No injuries, just missed a step. Okay, that wasn't a very piece of sensational news but still, just to reiterate my point, it doesn't pay to be mean.

Today, I took 190 in the morning to get to SMU for a hardcore mugging session. LOL. At one station, this weird fashionista wannabe boarded the bus. She has some warped up concept about fusing styles together and her fusion turned out to be fashion disaster. I believe many would agree if you saw her. She wore a black camisole, with a whitish pink/checkered bubble skirt, black leggings and white sneaker-y pumps. Her makeup was like some gothic wannabe with thick eyeliner. To top it all off, she has got big, long, bouncy curls where she wore a cap over it.

So I was standing diagonally behind her and I had to open my Crumpler to fish out my phone. As you know, Crumplers are noisy bags. So when I pulled at the velcro, she turned around and started at me. I was like, "what's your problem woman?" I feel justified to admit that I was annoyed by her reaction to me opening my Crumpler. Like what's the matter with you?

And after that incident, I wasn't doing anything in particular, just looking on the floor when I saw something hideous and black. My first reaction was, "Is that a snake?" It looked like nothing I have seen before. But when I looked at her hair, it was as if I had some intellectual enlightenment (okay, that was exaggerated) dawned on me, as if I have attained Nirvana. So her hair is fake. LOL

What would you have done if you were in my position? I hesitated about informing her for about a stop or two. Then when the bus passed RGS, I tapped on her shoulder and said, "Your hair." and I pointed to the floor. I still cannot believe I did it with a straight face. I could have like laughed in her face. In retrospect, I definitely would have exploded with laughter in her face. Well, she stared at me for no good reason in the first place.

Well, I knew she was embarrassed because she ignored me. Then when the bus arrived at Far East Plaza and amidst the chaos of many commuters alighting, she picked up her 'hair' and alighted. I bet that wasn't her stop.

Now, I consider my action to be quite tactful, since Stella and I came up with many hypothetical situations where her embarrassment could be amplified.

Take for instance:

-seeing that black thing on the floor and picking it up-
me: eee take it back! (and throwing it back at her, all the while displaying exaggerated disgust)

OR, I could have

-seeing that black thing on the floor and picking it up-
me: (raise it up and wave it around) WHO DOES THIS BELONG TO? ANYONE LOST A LOCK OF HAIR?

OR MAYBE,

-seeing that black thing on the floor and picking it up-
me: (asking my fellow commuters, anyone and everyone except her) Do you know what this is?
and failing to derive a satisfactory answer, (SHOUT AND WAVE IT HYSTERICALLY IN THE AIR): ANYONE KNOW WHAT THIS IS?!

OR I COULD,
-seeing that black thing on the floor and picking it up-
me: (pass it back to her and say) Hair belongs to the head, not on the floor.

These hypothetical situations are hilarious, OMG.

Tell me, what would you have done?

And for better clarity of the situation, I snapped a shot of 'the hair' -hehs-

When I first read this passage, I scanned through it because I knew what it is featuring is true and its something that I do not want to read and admit to. But I chanced upon this the second time and I found that there is more to life than playing the victim all the time. Go on, read it and see the ugly truth of life for yourself.

 "... I would love to sympathise. I went through the 'A' levels too and I do not have pleasant memories. But it is precisely because the memories are so vivid that I also remember the contemptuous behaviour and attitude I had during that period of time. I remember the myraid of lies that swamped my mind daily; anything that would distract me from what I knew I needed to do. Today, having learnt the things I have learnt about life and living, I am sorry but I do not want to sympathise. Because sympathising does not serve you. 

The bottom line is that results do not lie. There are many slight variations in judgement here and there but in general, results are not far away from the truth. If I say I love my wife, but the result is that she does not feel loved, then the truth is that I have not loved her. If I say, I have taught a wonderful class and done my duty as a tutor, but my students have not learnt, then the truth is that I have not taught well. If you say you have tried your best to get the best grades possible, and you received results way below expectation, then I call your bluff and say that you arelying, that you did not try your best.  Results simply do not lie. I know that as I make this claim there will be a thousand and one excuses, reasons, qualifications and rebuttals that will fly my way in an attempt to help you avoid the hard truths, to protect that heart of yours from seeing certain things about yourself that you just do not want to see. But I ask that maybe you take a second look.

The point is to take responsibility for the choices you have made so far and the results you have created. It does not serve you to think otherwise. Just imagine how contemptible I would be if I claimed I loved my wife but she does not feel loved and instead of taking responsibility, I tell you that I am a left-brained man and I cannot show emotion, or that I came from a bad family, or that I am very busy, or it is too difficult to demonstrate love, or this is not what I expected of marriage... Imagine that. Imagine someone full of stories but no results. Nothing to speak of but stories about why things are not the way they should be. How pathetic and loathesome will I be? And how long will you have respect for me?

I am not saying that sitting for examinations is easy. But I am saying that you made a choice to do so. You made a choice. No one forced you; and I know it is easy to claim that you did not make this choice, that society, your parents or friends compelled you to make this choice... anybody and everybody but yourself. But the truth is you did, and all I ask is that you take responsibility, for playing the victim will only mean yet another day with nothing done. 

We play the victim in so many ways and nobody can deny it feels good to be a victim. Being a victim allows us to avoid taking responsibility. It allows us to feel sorry for ourselves. It allows us to garner sympathy from others; to suck others into our world so they can buy and partake of our version of the truth and perhaps commiserate with us. People are often complicit in supporting each others' lies. Birds of a feather flock together and you will find people who want to avoid reality and avoid getting real results love each others; company. They love confirming that they are a victim and having another victim with them validates it even more. "


How true is this?

An exhausting day of mugging. We'll just try our best aye.

If others need 6 months to revise, what can I do with 2 weeks? And I start to wonder, where did all my time go to?

I don't panic dudes, I fear. 

My mum keeps telling me, "Pray, God will help you." But why should God help me? I have sacrilegious thoughts in my head all the time. I am a walking blasphemy! Why should God help me? There is no reason why God will be willing to help me. On the contrary, he'd be quite happy to smite me. Give me all the Es for my A levels. You see what I mean?


I spent 5 hours doing an SEA essay. How useless can I be?

Tell me, how can "working" be a mood?

 A shout-out to God: why can't he change my parents? 

oshoiehra sdhihofhu houwhsudvo;wahsvg ohvoihsodvhoae

I am pissed with myself and my parents. Damn. I left home after fighting with my parents, I do surprise myself sometimes.  And it seems every time I am at lot 1 library, there will be some disruptive factor. This time, its a fire alarm. 

It goes, "Ladies and gentlemen, we...." Damn annoying.

And increasingly these days, I am seeing myself retaking A levels next year. 

 i am not making the best use of my time. i am still in the i-shall-enjoy-and-slack-later mode despite knowing the possible consequences of screwing up the As. i need the drive. where to find one? 

i have so many questions. a large proportion unanswered. i need to find answers. 
maybe i just need my future-me to tell me what is going to happen to the current-me.

 I am trying to keep this in my mind. THIS WILL BE THE FIRST AND THE LAST TIME I WILL DO IT. MAKE SURE I DO IT WELL. Funny I seem to be using these words more on my juniors than I use them on myself. And, oh the irony of it all, it fails to work on me. 

Its 31 days left. 

On one side I am raring to go. On the other, I am really not prepared. And horror of horrors, Miss Lin admitted that I am backsliding in Literature. This scares the shit out of me, like literally. I may not be able to make it. I am looking for alternatives. 

Can I really make it? The thought of it is insinuating. The urgency is pressing. And yet, my mind is intransigently soggy with unnecessary information. 

I need divine intervention. SOS. So many things I want to say, but there seem no adequate language to materialise my thoughts. GRAAAH!

 Righto momo, as you all can see, i was away. i wanted to ramble on and on. but oh well, my mind's a blank now. prelim results improved but still not up to standard. NEVERMIND, EVERYONE, WE CAN DO IT ONE! (Miss Shen style) 

JIAYOU EVERYONE! 

"ME HEARTS YOU DEEP DEEP WOR!" as quoted from one of my classmates. lol

~hartono is awww~

This guy is awesome!






And i guess I am pretty frustrated at myself. Such a useless bummer.

Here I am sitting at my table and there's a night breeze seeping in. It smells comforting, like a messenger to tell you that everything will be alright (I hope).

Actually, you don't have to see my face to get hell, just mark my math paper. Pure math was @.@

I nearly went mad mugging for econs and i needed a laugh, so I went to surf Youtube. Sorry Weiquan for not being able to attend your party, even though it is like on the other side of the road, I really couldn't finish mugging. Happy birthday anyway :D

One reason why I seldom watch Asian dramas, except what, that MVP show I watched like 7 times, is summed up in the video below. Nigahiga is ownage manzzzzz.










AND THIS? THIS IS AWESOME.


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 Yes, a big part of my brain says press on. Its just this small naggy part that says, "Julitta, face it, you are not going to do well. Forget about getting into FASS, you can't get in." Its a lot easier believing that little voice than logic.

Sometimes I wonder, how is it I am able to see the bright side for others but everything else seem pretty bleak to me.
 
 I may seem like I have a plan when in fact, I really don't know what I am going to do. Spontaneity is not a very good plan, going with the flow is hardly a plan, by the way. 

Why, why, why. Am I still allowed to wallow in self-pity? Because I am feeling sorry for myself again. 
==========
Lynn's party was awesome. (: Pictures on facebook
==========
Tuesday was awesome (:
No, not about Rebecca leaving (I miss you loads), but about meeting all the important people in one day. No, minus the going back to school part. For you readers who haven't got a clue what I am gabbling about, I went to Changi airport in the morning (reached around 7 to send Becs off), then rushed back to school (where I was one hour late for my lesson. My classmates cheered when I came into the Seminar room, flustered, and Dickson fist-bumped me, like I was some victorious warrior, LOL.) And then met the Kranji pals for Starbucks (supposedly to mug for a while) and Seoul Garden dinner.  

The feeling of seeing those you haven't seen in so long, and those whom you hold dear to your heart, its kinda like sweet and sour fish. Sweet that you are reuniting with your friends, but sour that one of your bestie is leaving for 3 years. 

AWWWWWWW~

I am pretty retarded these days, always wondering about hypothetical situations where I could have made decisions that would change my entire history. Like how I should study harder in primary school, so as to get into a good secondary school and so on. The wallowing in self-pity syndrome.

Its 59 more days to A levels, couple of days to prelim 2 and I am so screwed. AWESOME. 

This is a tribute to Rebecca, for the many years we had being room-mates, and being budds. As a friend, you have certainly enlightened me on many things, like how to live life as it is and appreciate the small things in life, because we only live it once; walking to petrol kiosks in the dark, hollering N'SYNC songs in oversized shirts and FBTs, painting nails in the middle of the road, crashing in on an old people's party and start to line dance. Sometimes, we need to make a fool of ourselves to savour the essence of spontaneity in life. Thanks pal, for the years of education, learning that cannot be found in books, for the years of colour you have added in my life. Take care, I'll miss you.

 There are so many things that I want to vocalise. But there is no language adequate enough for me to. So many things waiting to be said, but on second thought, better left unsaid. It's just this gooey stuff at the back of my brain, not solidifying onto words because I don't really want to think about it.